- “DON’T TALK TO STRANGERS.”
While telling a child to avoid people they don’t know seems like good advice, it can backfire. For example, if someone is nice to your child, they may think that they are not “strangers” anymore.
Instead, imagine a situation and ask your child what they would do. “If a stranger pulls up in a car and tells you to get in, what do you do?” Another strategy is to issue a board ultimatum and keep repeating it until the child remembers it. For example, “If anyone ever makes you feel afraid, confused, or scared, you should ignore them.”
- “I’LL DO IT” OR “LET ME HELP YOU.”
It can be difficult to see our beloved child struggling with something, especially when they’re putting their hearts into a problem. “If you jump in too soon,” says Myrna Shure, Ph.D., and professor of psychology at Drexel University, “that can compromise your child’s independence because he’ll always be looking to others for answers.
Try to help the child by giving some advice or asking a guiding question relevant to the task at hand before you start.
- “I KNOW YOU DIDN’T MEAN TO DO THAT.”
Do you really know this? Be very careful here. If you unknowingly profess ignorance regarding some unfavorable action, your child may be inclined to try to get away with it again – or something else.
Of course, if a child feels incredibly guilty about something you don’t know, it’s another story. By all means, offer comfort and support.
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